Last week I cleaned up my closet a bit and realized I really do have some pretty things. I put together some things to kind of take inventory and felt good about the clothes in my closet.
Except for the lack of pants.
A day or two later, as I got dressed, I enjoyed picking out something pretty... until I didn't have pants to go with it. I wanted to cry and scream. Yes over pants. I think it's been two years now since I started "dressing my truth" and I still haven't had a real haircut and I still can't quite get it together.
So I cried via messenger to my sister who is much more a fashionista than I am. She wasn't online but as I talked to her anyway, I came to some conclusions. And, to my happiness, I didn't think I would never get it, I just thought that somehow it will come. It's kind of my goal or intention for the year- to acquire a wardrobe I feel good in. Call it vanity if you think so but I deserve that right?
So I began this week determined to dress up and feel good about myself. I have to admit to looking quite beautiful yesterday. My hair worked with very little effort and I put on make up. I just wore sweats to be home but they were matching and cute. I felt great especially when I did end up going out to the bank and the store. And by the time I cleaned the bathroom, I was glad to be wearing sweats.
Today I'm not having such luck. My hair is looking good and I put on make up. I quite like the top I'm wearing but it's again with the pants. I'm trying really hard not to say that I'm just too fat but that might be the problem. But even if it is, I am what I am and I need pants that fit!
And the problem is, I have another bathroom to clean today and wearing what I'm wearing is not going to work. So I'm back to needing a mom wardrobe. I have beautiful things that I can't wear because I have no pants that fit decently AND I have to wash dishes and clean bathrooms.
How many times have I so happily and grateful received some money and tried to buy a whole wardrobe at Wal-mart for $50? Around Christmas time I decided I liked the cute sweats thing and that would be my stay home look. I still like that idea except even when it's freezing outside I'm too danged hot inside! But perhaps something like that???
In my rant to my sister I decided I used to love the look of jeans and how it felt to put on a good pair. Since having kids, I really don't like jeans. They are tight and stiff and too danged hot. But perhaps I just need to get a good pair, not from the clearance rack at Wal-mart that will just shrink, break the zipper and/or wear thin really fast, and get used to wearing them again.
Well anyway. The title of this post is a quote from "All Dogs Go to Heaven." I think it's hilarious and fitting. I feel vain and silly trying so hard to look and feel good. But I have decided that my new year resolution is to try. To not think I'm vain and silly but a woman who wants to feel good about myself. That's not so bad. I don't believe I'm proud in my efforts. I actually think it would be good for my children to take a bit of care for myself.
Setting my intention for a workable wardrobe...
P.S. I'm not against shopping at Wal-mart. I love it actually. I just know I've bought more than a few low quality items and perhaps I need to buy better for myself.
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