Friday, July 13, 2012

Life in a scrapbook

I tend to plan holidays and special occasions trying to think what will look fun on the scrapbook page or what I'll say on my blog.
I clean the house thinking of what people will see when they walk in.
I often think of what I should be doing as a mother, the activities, play groups, outings etc that I see other mothers doing for their children.
When people say mothers need to take time for themselves, I look at what other mothers do and wonder how they make the time for it. I think of joining them and some of the activities I've been invited to.



     
What I need to remember/think instead:
My children will remember what we DID do, not what we didn't. What would be fun for them? What would we like to do as a family to start our traditions? What do Jeff and I enjoy doing, what's a part of who we are, that we can give and share with our children?
I want a clean house for US. I want to make it work so we are comfortable and have space to create our life and activities. I'd much rather have a counter covered in crafts and projects than a clean, presentable one.
I need to look at my children and think of what they enjoy and their personalities. Also, what do I have to give and teach them? What fits with our way of being?
I need to ask myself what I need. What would restore me? What are my hobbies and past times that I need to reconnect with?

It's always bothered me how much I worry what other people think and my almost uncontrollable drive to "please" other people even when intellectually I know I don't care what they think, I don't like them anyway, I know what I think matters more etc. But a lot of these things I look to other people not because I'm trying to impress the world but because I'm looking for the "right" way to do things.
Today I read in a book (it's funny how if someone else says it- back to what I was just saying- it frees me to make it mine) "there is no right way." I think I will make that my new mantra. P.S. Yes I know and accept and believe in choosing the right and the straight and narrow path etc. It's just my faulty thinking that, for example, takes the leap from the right thing being "love and teach my children" to "what's the absolute right and best way to do so?"