Some days, most days, I start my mornings feeling like I have the same exact jobs to do as I just finished yesterday. There are always dishes in the sink, a full hamper of laundry, a floor that needs vacuuming, you get the idea. Even if I run the dishwasher sometime after dinner and before bed, by the time breakfast is done the next day, there are dirty dishes as well as a dishwasher to be unloaded. I do some laundry almost everyday and have decided it's my destiny to have a basket full of clean, folded laundry sitting on the dryer waiting to be put away and often more to be folded in the hallway or dryer. And by the end of the day, the hamper still has stuff in it.
I've found it helps my attitude if I view my life as a job. Not in my interaction with the kids, but just to think of things like having a routine in our day or even getting dressed and ready for what needs to be done that day, almost like wearing a uniform, rather than staying in pajamas because I'm just home cleaning anyway. I've even thought of it in terms of taking a break. In an eight hour shift, my husband takes breaks every two hours. He has a physically demanding job so he uses this time to sit down, stretch, drink water, talk to friends and clear his head. So, I try to allow or even insist that I take a break after certain tasks. Not on schedule or anything, but just to acknowledge that doing this or that was an accomplishment and now I can sit down or look at Facebook or read a blog before moving on to what is next.
Recently someone shared what I think was someone else's blog on Facebook. This woman had written about how our role as wife and mother should be seen as a service, in the sense that when you serve others, you are serving Christ. This would help with our attitudes, not seeing cooking and cleaning as just another menial task to get done. She talked about enjoying the work. It was very inspiring to me.
One of the hardest things for me is that everything I do, I'm looking to "get it done" rather than "doing." In college, it felt so good to get to the end of the semester and turn in the last assignment, get through the finals and be done. Take a break, clear my head and then start fresh with the new semester and new classes. As a teacher, that didn't change much. I put so much energy into getting my students through that it really felt good to get to the end, turn in the grades, and then start over with fresh ideas. This obviously is not how motherhood works. And, as the blog pointed out, I wouldn't want it to.
Which got me thinking about my last job. As I do now, I would often get to work and feel like I'd just finished the same task I now how to start all over. It truly drove me crazy! There were some weekly tasks that felt finished for a while and I learned to get through those, even the hard ones, by enjoying the completion. But what I had to really do, especially the last few months I was there and pregnant and sick almost everyday, was learn to just see it as the job. The job was doing, not getting done.
I've tried to think of that today. It was my big shopping trip to Wal-Mart today which I find so hard when I have two kids and once a month I try to stock up on groceries as well as household items like cleaners and diapers and toilet paper. Getting through the store with my brain intact is nearly impossible. I always unload the cart at check out and I just can't go fast enough to get the cart to the other end before they've piled up all my now bagged groceries and are waiting for me to move them so they can continue. We always wait in line for too long and the kids are done for by then. If they aren't hitting each other, they are climbing on things and running me over with the cart. Then I have to get the kids in car seats and get all the stuff packed in the trunk without the cart rolling down the hill (who designs a parking lot on a hill?). Lucky for me, Jeff is always willing to carry all the stuff up the stairs at home, but I continue by having to put it all away, make lunch, get kids to the potty and out of coats etc.
Usually I am so focused on getting us through the store and getting it done that I really am stressed by the time we get through. Then I'm trying to make the lunch and change the diaper and get the other one on the potty and put everything away so it can be done. And why does it need to be done? So I can get to the dishes and laundry etc. And they need to be done so I can make dinner and clean up that. It just goes on and on.
So today I thought all I'm doing today, my big task, is getting the shopping done and put away. I took baby steps. I stopped in the middle of things to do other things that needed immediate attention. Even going to and getting through the store, I just kept reminding myself that this is what I'm doing, I'm not getting it done. It helped. At bedtime, I tried make the time we go to bed the goal rather then getting the kids to sleep. It was much calmer.
Doing, not getting done.
My mantra for this week.
