My Heart Song

Before he left for work yesterday, Jeff played some music on Youtube and asked us all our favorite songs. Rayne remembered one she'd heard when we babysat other kids last summer. Jeff found it and it's the perfect theme song for Rayne, "Eye of the Tiger" by Katy Perry.

When he came home, he picked up where he left off. He asked me my favorite song and as typically me, I really didn't know. But I had a few that I really like. "November Rain" by Guns 'n' Roses, a heart wrenching, makes you feel SO much song. And then we put on "Moondance" by Van Morrison.

Oh. My. Goodness.

This song resonates with my soul. That is no exaggeration. There is an underlying base line that centers me and makes my heart beat in rhythm. Then the piano that adds this texture and life to it. And the vocals. Not perfection musically, but soulfully drawing out emotion and experience.

Sadly, I really don't know my favorites, even more so lately than usual. My CD collection and iPod have some great stuff I really like and is fun to have on when I'm driving or cleaning the house etc. And there are a few things I LOVE. But sadly I don't even listen to the likable stuff much.

And that soul wrenching, listen with your eyes closed because your soul might escape and you become totally taken over by it music? I have very little. I don't even own "Moondance."

Perhaps in our day to day life, these kind of experiences aren't practical or even wanted. Perhaps they should be saved for moments when we can take our time and fully be in them. But shouldn't I, couldn't I, have more of them? Don't I tend to accept the practical too often?

My typical morning begins when Caius gets me up and we come out and he immediately turns on Lego Batman on the XBox. I sit on the couch drinking water and checking Facebook, email etc on my phone, just in case the world ended last night, as I try to wake up. By the time Rayne comes out, I'm usually looking at Pinterest, I suppose trying to find inspiration to start my day.

Today maybe I'm in a mood. As I looked over Pinterest and thought "that's pretty" or "I like that" I actually became a bit irritated or even angry. There is SO much out there! And as I confessed, I've been looking at this everyday as part of my morning wake up ritual. But there is SO LITTLE that I actually LOVE. So little that really resonates with me and makes me feel ALIVE!

Isn't it possible that food and home and clothes and music COULD exist to make me feel completely alive!? At least for some small part of my day?? Or maybe more? Maybe more of my day, my existence could be spent feeling completely in touch with myself, my surroundings, my living!

Perhaps it would be too much. One small bite of an eclair is decadence. To completely indulge would make it not as rich and wonderful. But...

But...

I want more in my life.