Rayne Theories

Rayne has been amazingly sweet and good about bringing home baby Caius. She's handled it better than I thought she would. But still, she has her moments. One day she decided she likes hitting him and told me so. She tells me she "needs" to do that. It's been hard on both of us. I hate losing my temper with her. I don't know why I think yelling at her is going to let her know I'm serious any better than staying calm with her would. Nothing seems to work really.
I've had some really hard emotions. I get so upset with her and frustrated at the situations. Then I feel just horrible. She's still my sweet baby girl and I should never treat her with anything but patience and nurturing and kindness. I simply find myself at a loss at how to handle the hard situations. Then I feel bad for upsetting her little world so much. I feel like no matter what I do, I'm neglecting one of my babies. I feel like I don't hold Caius enough because I keep setting him down or letting someone else take him to "deal with" Rayne. Then I feel bad when she spends so much time by herself and I ache to hold and snuggle her.
One thing that has helped is I finally realized that we were dealing with her tantrums before I brought Caius home. Perhaps it's not totally the new situation freaking her out. Perhaps it is just the "terrible twos." As for her playing by herself, she was learning to do that anyway and it's not such a bad thing. She doesn't always need me there.
I worry a lot about how Rayne eats and doesn't eat. She was good at eating when it was baby food and she'd eat all kinds of vegies and fruit. But the more grown up food she eats, the less healthy she eats. And once I got pregnant again, I was no good at feeding us. I had to concentrate on not throwing up! Plus when you live with other people, they influence things a lot and she's eaten a lot of things I was never going to give her!
Since I came home from the hospital, Rayne's diet has been made a lot of popsicles and M&Ms. I've been frustrated but also just trying to survive and adjust. If she can eat a little popsicle and watch Mickey Mouse and sit with me while I feed Caius, then we're doing well. But the other day, trying to wake up and take charge of all this, when we got up in the morning, she had Ovaltine (chocolate milk with vitamins!). Then we ate Cheerios and a banana. Wow! That's kind of healthy! And guess what, I thought her tantrums that day were a lot better. I decided that proved it! We HAVE to cut out the sugar and get some vitamins! But then, I don't even remember what, something in the next day or two made me think that maybe food had nothing to do with it.
The next thing I noticed was that really, Rayne and Caius and I get along quite well when we spend the day alone. Jeff sleeps during the day, his mom works, and his step dad keeps busy and isn't around a lot. Sure Rayne and I have our moments, but I do think they are getting better and might not even be as bad as when other people are here (I should clarify that mostly I mean the people who live her. Visitors she seems okay with... I think). Jeff got up the other day about the same time his mom got home from work and Rayne had been so sweet all day. I was able to go with her flow and not tell her no so much as show her how to change a bit what she was doing so as not to, for example, wrap Caius' head in the blanket. But as soon as Daddy and Grandma were on the scene, she was hitting and crying etc.
Today it seemed really obvious. We got up and sat on the bed with her chocolate milk and something on t.v. while I fed Caius. She was SO good and even helpful and happy. But then Daddy came in and she heard Grandma and her cousin, who had stayed the night, in the hallway. She got excited and wanted to go see them. By the time I followed them into the kitchen, she had knocked Grandma's glasses off her face, hit the cousin, and thrown herself on the floor screaming. We had a bit of a rough morning (in her defense, the cousin, who is 8-9, does like to egg her on and see what he can get away with) but as soon as everyone left, she was fine and her sweet self again. We actually had a really good day. I played with her like I haven't been able to for a long time, chasing her and laughing and tickling. She was nice to Caius and didn't try hitting him.
I'm not sure what this means. Perhaps she scared that I'll leave again so she acts out around Daddy and Grandma? Perhaps she's scared they'll spend too much time with Caius so she tries to get the attention first? Maybe, like her mother, she just gets overwhelmed by all the people? Any thoughts or suggestions? All I know is we have got find a way to get our own place soon. I feel like I'm going to have a tantrum because I can't just settle into my life and figure things out... not that I don't greatly appreciate the help, I just need to take care of my nest!