Tears

I am having a really rough few days. I wanted to blog to get some of my thoughts down where I could see them. Instead I started reading an old blog and came across THIS! post from when Rayne was a baby. It's exactly the same stuff going on almost six years later!

I'm really kinda down about it. This week I've had to physically hang onto her and stop her from attacking Caius. She is getting very physical and reacting to everything!

She is not eating. If I'm lucky she'll eat some cereal or whole wheat spaghetti. I also bought some Carnation Instant Breakfast drinks that promise a lot of nutrition.

Last week, she got really good with bathroom issues. I was so proud. She was feeling so good about herself. But this week? It's been back to the same old stuff.

She does really mean or gross things and when I get mad at her, she yells at me for always taking away her fun. I'm trying to see it from her point of view and I try to explain that it's not fun to hurt someone else or that some "jokes" are inappropriate. Today she told me she was going to put me and Caius in the trash. I got really upset and said fine, I'll just take Caius and leave her and Daddy on their own. Well, of course this made her burst into tears.

She's so sensitive and I think she is trying to be "strong" in defense of herself. Perhaps she feels overwhelmed and vulnerable and weak so she tries to be unafraid and aggressive to compensate? That feels true when I say it.
I also feel sure it's inspiration so many times when I REALLY worry about what she eats or doesn't eat and feel so determined to straighten things out with our eating. But every attempt I make gets defeated.

Anyway, the post I linked above was between 2 and 4 months old. I was worried perhaps she had some kind of reflux due the crying and horrible sleeping and bad eating. How she would cry so hard and had such trouble pooping.
And nothing has changed.

I feel defeated. I feel like a failure.