Food on the brain

Last August, I went to the doctor thinking I was becoming diabetic. Everyone in my family is and I'm getting to that age so I felt like I was recognizing the symptoms. My sister went out and bought me a blood tester and told me all about it. I had some very high readings and I had some very low readings. But, the doctor's test said there was no diabetes or even pre-diabetes. I was told to eat healthy and lose weight and come back in a year.
I should have been relieved, and I was, but I also kept feeling like crap without much explanation. I really started working on my diet, cutting out sugar and watching how what I ate affected me. For the most part, I've been feeling better. But, some days I could eat a doughnut and be fine and other days, I'd eat white bread toast with my eggs and be thrown way off.

Two years ago, I had my gallbladder out. The surgeon said there was no need to change my diet, just go slowly at first, introducing foods back into my diet. Since then, I often feel sick to my stomach. Some days, I can eat a cheeseburger and fries and be okay. Other days, just the fries make me feel bloated and sick. It's like my body just doesn't work and process food. But, again, I've been trying to eat healthy and have figured out a few things about myself.

Until recently.

It seems for the last month or so I always feel sick to my stomach, no matter what I eat. Sometimes even a salad feels like I've eaten lead and I feel heavy and tired and full of air. It's kind of like I'm full as if I ate a big meal but I'm hungry at the same time because what food I did eat isn't going anywhere and I really didn't eat that much.

Last weekend, I saw my older brother that I rarely see. When I said something about how I was feeling, he suggested I look at milk products. What I described sounded like what he had felt when he became lactose intolerant. As we talked, it kind of made sense. Just the day before I ate ice-cream for lunch. Healthy I know but I thought it might be easy on my stomach and I just wasn't feeling well. Plus I really wanted some. But that's all I had for lunch and I felt so bloated after!

Well, I've been avoiding milk and cheese this week. Not completely, but I've had pretty much none and I feel SO much better. I feel like I've lost weight and I'm more awake and I don't have that horrible feeling in my stomach. I don't know if I've become lactose intolerant or, as I've read, it's just hard to digest dairy products when you don't have a gall bladder. I don't care. I feel much better and it hasn't been too hard to go without!

The down side is, I'm feeling a bit discouraged. What DO I eat? I tried to have a salad yesterday with dressing that wasn't ranch (a few days ago, I realized- duh!- I make ranch dressing with buttermilk and that's why even a salad with only veggies also hurt my stomach) and it just wasn't very good. I like other dressings, I just have to think of what kind of veggies go with them. What I had on that salad didn't really go with the dressing I had. In avoiding milk and cheese food, I haven't been as diligent about the stuff that was helping my sugar levels. Today that kind of caught up to me. I only tested my blood once and it was normal, but I sure didn't feel normal.

I have spent so much time in the last few months or longer trying to plan, write things down, learn recipes etc. and today I just feel discouraged. One of my children does NOT eat well and the other often follows her example, although he usually will give in and eat something when he's hungry. My hubby is a bit picky even though he tries not to complain. I want to eat REAL food. But I'm not even sure how.

I didn't mean to say so much about how I feel and the discouragements. I was actually hoping to have a few good thoughts. Like, if I buy things Rayne eats, she actually gets in and finds something to eat when she wants. She's not eating "meals" with us, but perhaps she likes (needs?) the independence or choice? Maybe I should quit trying to plan and control so much and plan to not plan? If I have string cheese in the fridge and apple sauce in the pantry and a few things, at least she is eating and eating healthy things? Maybe thinking Jeffrey will ever give up his frozen pizza and corn dogs is hopeless and maybe I should just feed him that? (Hm... doubtful on this one). But maybe... really, maybe I just try too hard to go nowhere! I feel like I have to start all over. AGAIN!