Tuesday with the Psychiatrist

Tuesday we again met with the psychiatrist. She is absolutely wonderful and brilliant. I feel like she pulls us right in as soon as we walk in her office, gets right to the point, and knows exactly what has been on my mind and what questions to ask. I had practiced what I was going to say to bring up what I needed to talk about but I didn't even have to- she did.
One thing we talked about is the mother's anxiety. She said, I don't remember if she gave an actual percent?, that a great deal of the time if the mother's anxiety is treated, the child's improves dramatically. People with anxiety and kids in general are often like emotional sponges. They soak up anything around them whether they even understand it or not. She told me of what she's seen and what I've had to say that makes her think that I should get my anxiety treated and see if that helps Rayne.
The truth is, I've been thinking for some time that I should get back on some medication for this. I know when I took it before, it kind of changed my life. It's like the only time in my life that I've felt normal and able to just exist. It's hard to explain how I feel most the time but I've been trying to figure it out. Jeff does not like the idea of taking "mind altering drugs." He's not completely unsupportive but he thinks I should be able to get control of myself in other ways. While he acknowledges that that doesn't mean it's easy, I don't think he really understands how I feel and how my brain/emotions/psyche all work. It's kind of discouraging for me. Well, quite discouraging. It makes me hesitate to get the help I feel I need because it makes me feel like I'm weak and doing things wrong etc etc. But, if it will help Rayne, I am willing to be brave enough to take that step. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday.
As for helping Rayne, we also talked about the pre-school they have at the Center. They call it a therapeutic pre-school and the therapists/teachers would know what she faces and how to help her deal with it. The classes are set up to get the kids talking and dealing with their issues. It would help her to practice separating from me, which is basically our goal in helping her deal with the anxiety. Get her to learn to cope and deal a bit on her own so she is empowered and able to grow into an independent person.
I think the idea of the pre-school sounds great and I'm somewhat trying to think of making it work and taking that step. But I hesitate a lot. It's five days a week for three hours a day. That's a long time for my little girl who can't even be in another room sometimes when we are home, to be away from me. I like the idea of her working with someone who could help her learn she's okay without me but I think it would be absolutely traumatic at first. I'm pretty sure she would have a full blown panic attack and to not be there to help her and let her know she's okay, no matter who is taking care of her, feels really wrong to me. But I do question if it's a step we should be taking. If it's my fear holding her back so she can't get past hers. This is something I need to think and pray about. Anyone have any thoughts? I'd like to know some other opinions.
We also talked to the psychiatrist about the therapy we've been going to. I told her that I don't feel like anything is changing and that I am a bit frustrated. She said it's not a big deal to try a different therapist. Typing now, I feel like isn't that great? Maybe we could just see if something clicks with someone else. It's not personal, it's just seeing if something else works. But at the time it was extremely difficult for me to say that. I told her that I don't want to say it like the therapist we've been working with isn't any good etc so she is going to talk to her and see what she has to say and just have us come back to the psychiatrist the next time, see how my "therapy" is going and then go from there.
So, I feel like we are at least going somewhere. There are things to do and try and that feels better. Sometimes I feel like we are making way too big a deal out of this. It's just who Rayne is and I just need to be there for her. Other times I worry so much about that poor girl. I just want her to be happy.