This week's check-up: Being the Boss and Koasting the Wave

On my most recent post, the wonderful Melanie commented that you can't control your children. She also said that you have to be the boss.
I have never been good at being the boss. I can't make anyone do anything. I sometimes get so frustrated that my children don't know that they are supposed to do what I say and that I'm the one in charge. It's even more frustrating to realize that I don't believe these things. I try to say things with confidence and conviction so they know they are really supposed to do it and I'm really the boss, but if I don't feel it, how can that come across?
As I've thought on this this week, I've thought about the last job I had and the boss I had. She wasn't mean or "bossy." She didn't make us do stuff. But she could get us to do stuff. We had a good team, and I suppose that helped, but our boss was awesome. She would motivate us. She would get us on board. She would give us an assignment and completely be there to back us up but pretty much leave it to us to decide how to get it done and when to fit it into our schedules to meet the deadline.
Perhaps, even as a mother, being the boss isn't about being in control of them or making them do things and forcing behaviors. That wouldn't be very effective, especially not long term. Being the boss is about being in control of the situations, the jobs that need to be done. It's about motivating people. It's about knowing who can do what job, what jobs they need to do and providing ways for them to accomplish them.

I talk a lot to my sister Karen. She has a lot of insight into a lot of things. One of her phrases is "koast the wave." This week we were talking about me having a mathematical brain and needing things to line up and go the right way. I commented that I sometimes wonder if I'm really that way or if I learned to be that way. I suppose it doesn't matter. I think with children, while the whole time you are supposed to be in charge and in control and one step ahead... really when it comes down to it, you need to go with their flow. I can't make them pee or eat or sleep, but I can provide the means and circumstance conducive to doing these things. I can even make some rules about it all. And then, I have to get myself to sit back and just breathe.

So far, my "check up" posts haven't been what I originally intended. I wanted to talk about me and what I need and little goals I want to start making. But these other topics, as I've thought about them, have helped me get in touch with myself. I didn't want to write as mother or wife, but just me, having a moment to get back to me and maybe even let go of these other titles just for a moment to make sure I'm still there. Perhaps that's still coming.