A couple weeks ago, my mom took us to lunch at Denny's. While this was nice, I don't really think of Denny's as a fancy restaurant. It's a family restaurant and kid friendly. Not really a place I worry about taking noisy or wiggly kids. It was very crowded when we got there and the kids were already tired and hungry. I thought we did well sitting at the table, coloring and making Grandma fetch things off the floor (Caius' favorite mealtime activity). It seemed to take a long time to get our meals and eventually the crowd died down a bit. When I was close to finished, I let Rayne get out to walk around. She's very good at staying near the table... until Caius, who thinks he can run all over the restaurant gets out and she thinks she can follow him. But, oh well. I let them loose as I somewhat finished eating and kept having to get up to pull Caius back closer. Eventually, he went down to another table and before I could get him, he'd climbed on the table and was dumping salt or pepper. I ran to grab him.
As I did so, I passed a table of two little old grandma looking ladies. As I walked by, I heard one of them say "she's encouraging them." I knew she was criticizing me but tried not to feel defensive- I didn't really know... until, as I walked by, she actually turned her head toward me and said "DUMB MOTHER."
I freaked out. I have never wanted to actually punch someone so bad in my life. I grabbed my kids, went back for the diaper bag and left. I stood outside crying and shaking, letting the kids play in the rocks around the bushes. It really hurt. I guess I worry that's what people think. I guess I worry I should be keeping my kids more under control, which frankly feels impossible at times. And honestly? I just didn't think they were being that bad.
On the way home, to make myself feel better, I made a list of people I hate in my head. Types of people I hate. Things I hate about people. Hate is a strong word, but I really was feeling it. I was going to blog my list because by saying it, I felt better. But also, by allowing myself to feel it, perhaps even own that feeling, I learned a lot about myself and what I think and it was quite freeing.
I've also thought since, "fine, if I'm a dumb mother anyway..." and I've relaxed and let myself do or think about things in my way. So, I thought that's the list I would start here. If I'm a dumb mother anyway...
I'm going to base meals around food Rayne likes and will eat. I know, I know. A good mother starves her children until they are so hungry they will eat whatever she's made for dinner without complaining. This way, they will learn to like things like lima beans and beef stew. But, I try to incorporate the healthy stuff Rayne likes so that she can at least eat something. I think I will start trying to make it a bigger part of our meals more often.
I will let Rayne talk me into one more book at bedtime, a few more minutes on the play ground, etc. A good mother says this is the limit and holds her ground. I like to give her that one more thing letting her know it's the last thing so that she feels like what she wants is considered and is prepared for it to be the last thing.
After a certain amount of time, I'm going to let Caius out of the crib if he's not going to sleep. If he's tired, he actually does a good job of settling in for sleeping. If he's not, he let's me know. A good mother would leave him crying for the duration of nap time so that he learns to sleep and that this is what mom said to do. I just don't have it in me. I'm too weak I guess.
I feed my kids lollipops when we go to the store. If we are on a big Walmart trip, I even open a package of cookies and feed them as we go around. A good mother would never bribe her children like this and let them think they deserve something special for good behavior. I just think they need something for being such good sports.
I feel like I had some better ones but I'm going blank. But, you get the idea. It actually helps a lot for me to think this way. Sarcastically. It's like I'm making fun of the old lady and she doesn't even get the joke.
Bwa-haha!!
Hahaha...that is a GOOD POST. I like that the joke is on the old lady. I don't know if you know this, but Karen was so angry about this.....I thought she might go sit at Denny's and wait for the old lady to show up again so she could set her straight. We are on your side. We see your struggles and admire you for doing so well. Make no mistake, you are treating your children wisely. You are kind and gentle and considerate of their feelings. It's probably the most important thing you can do. Many mistakes are made by society as we go along. I won't explain them here, but the way you are raising your kids will pay off positively. You are recognizing their needs and feelings and helping with those. Children who are ignored or raised with little regard for their feelings will develop contempt and hostility, maybe not to you, but to somebody, somewhere. You are doing a GOOD job. Go with your own wisdom. Why fight yourself as well as the world.? You are the smart one. Listen to yourself.
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