Kudos for JoAnna!

In the middle of a hard day, following a hard night, I had to acknowledge to myself that for any given bad day, there are at least half a dozen good days. For every time I lose my  temper or somehow react in a way I wish I wouldn't have, there are a million times that I do it right.  A bit of a positive view helped the rest of the day go better.

When I was pregnant with Caius, the question came up a few times "what will you do differently?" This wasn't a negative thing, just a what have you learned or what perspective do you have? I have since thought, especially lately and in regards to a mom philosophy, that it might have been more productive to ask "what will you do the same?"
One thing I wanted to do differently was the sleeping thing. Rayne didn't sleep through the night until she was eighteen months old. Honestly, I think I ended up holding her or having her in the bed with me almost all night almost every night. I wanted to do better with Caius and not go sleepless for so long just because I was afraid to let him cry a bit (not that it was EVER that simple with Rayne). Well, a bit over a year old and he's only now, in spite of any efforts, starting to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. We had to give up breastfeeding completely for this to happen. I tried a few times to not feed him through the night but it was just too easy, especially every time he was teething or just before and after I had surgery, to fall back on it as an easy way to help him sleep.
In spite of the exhaustion and my orneriness, I am glad to have had that time with both of them. And the truth is, I was right to hold Rayne every night. And I'm glad that I breast fed Caius for the whole first year even through the night. I loved watching Caius fall asleep, the way his little body would curl up to me and his hands would play with my shirt sleeve. I loved it when Rayne would turn toward me and let me soothe her back to sleep. These things were well worth it! And I believe that my kids needed it just as much or more than I did.
I am glad that I had the courage to quit my job after Rayne was born. I have received a lot of criticism for being a stay at home mom, especially considering our circumstances. But it was and is the right thing to do. I am grateful for the help we get and that it is even possible but I also have to acknowledge that it hasn't been easy for me. Frankly, I give up a lot of what I need in order to do this.
I have really been trying lately to feed us healthier. Sure we still eat Hamburger Helper once a week and Daddy gives them too many Swedish Fish and we even eat things like Ramen, Kraft dinner, Pop Tarts or Kool Aid. But given my knowledge base and lack of experience, I'm doing pretty okay and getting better.
We have never run out of clean laundry and we always have clean dishes to eat from. Even on a lazy day, I tend to do a load or two of laundry, do the dishes, feed the children, and often I bathe them. I may end the day or spend the day thinking of all that needs to be done, but let's for a minute, look at what DID get done. I really do a lot to keep things going around here. The house may never be as clean as I would like, but it never is dirty either.
I read to my children. We try to make time for it everyday. Rayne is a smart girl. I know she just came that way but I have talked to her and shown her things and read to her and should give myself some credit for feeding her little brain. I play with her. I've tried lately to make sure we spend time everyday just doing what she wants to do. I've tried to be more aware of feeding her brain- playing with play dough and building things and singing songs. Caius loves books. He often comes toddling up to me carrying one and gets excited when I sit down to read it to him.
I don't really tell my children no. I'm sure some people think that's bad but I just mean that I try to let them do things even if it's not convenient for me. I go outside when I'm too hot or too tired. I stop what I'm doing to read the book to Caius or help Rayne with something- at least I try to as much as I can. Often I'm the one to instigate putting the couch cushions on the floor for them to climb and jump on. I let them play in the laundry. I hug them and hold them and tell them I love them as often as I can. I try to let them know how important they are to me. I try to support their individuality and encourage their efforts and feelings and desires and ideas.
I take them to church. Well okay. I think we miss at least half the time but I'm getting us there. We sing primary songs. We say our prayers. I'm trying to let them know what I believe in. And to be honest, sometimes I think when we miss I'm also doing the right thing. I try to be sensitive to when I know going will overwhelm Rayne's sensitivities or it really is just more important that Caius stays home and takes a nap. These things are also important to consider.
I love their Daddy. I don't know how to say this, it's probably too personal for a blog but here goes anyway... I have done a lot to establish this family and keep us going as such. I have supported him and been patient through some really hard things. I encourage him and give him what I can which I think is important for my children to see.

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