Wednesday, March 30, 2011

How am I?

Jeff recently started a new job. I mentioned one in November but it ultimately lasted only two weeks and that's all we'll say about that. I think this is week three on this new one. He's working nights, 10 p.m. until 7 a.m., doing stock at Wal-Mart. It's a very physically demanding job, which he wanted, and he loves working nights. He also thought this would be good so that he can be home during the day with the family. His normal routine was starting to be playing WoW (an online game) until about 2 in the morning and then sleeping until about 10. I felt like a night job would be okay. I was kind of used to sleeping alone and having some of the day by myself. Plus, I would like his help etc during the day.
I think we both forgot that he has to sleep a good amount during the day and I'm starting to feel quite lonely. Sadly, I don't just mean that I miss him but that I'm feeling overwhelmed and like "do I really have to do everything alone?" I try to tell myself it's no different than him working during the day and there have been a few days that have been really nice. Rayne and I play and do laundry etc and I really enjoy our time together.
I think it's a bit rough right now because there is a house guest staying here (he's been here 3+ weeks with at least one more to go) occupying the basement, ie. family room where a lot of Rayne's toys and the t.v. are. We still can be down there, but he talks a lot and watches really boring t.v. The last few days, Rayne has warmed up to him and he plays ball with her and I think it's good for both of them. I'm sure a lot of it is awkward me. I try to remember he just needs someone to talk to.
I have a lot of aches and pains lately. I really can't stand up very long and it's getting almost impossible to get up and down the stairs. Yesterday, I sat on the floor to organize and put groceries away in the freezer and on a pantry shelf. I couldn't get up! I mean, I couldn't even attempt at getting up. Jeff had to lift me completely with his own strength. My hero! I have to laugh, but it is kind of discouraging. When we go to the grocery store, I drive one of those little carts because I can't walk through the store without being in pain. It's embarrassing but necessary. Yesterday I told myself that for all people know my doctor told me not to walk so I have to drive it. That helped and I'm just so grateful the things exist! Just a few more weeks!
At my last doctor appointment, we talked about the possibility of inducing me. I guess conditions have to be right and I'd have to be 39 weeks anyway, but it seems like it would be for convenience. There is some concern about getting there in time considering Jeff's working nights and we live a bit of a distance from the hospital. But, I kind of feel like it's something that should just happen on its own as long as everything is going okay. I've read a bit about induction and felt convinced that I don't want to unless it really is necessary, but I still find myself considering it.
Rayne has been sleeping in her crib since about November. We finally had a doctor say something that clicked and one night I just went for it. The first night was rough, but she's been so good about it since. She actually prefers to sleep in her own bed. And, she sleeps through the night at least half the time. When I do get up with her, most the time I can just fix her blanket and rub her back and she goes right back to sleep.
Occasionally, she lets out a pretty good scream. I don't know if she's just frustrated with the blanket or having a bad dream or what. It always scares me. Sometimes she settles right back to sleep and sometimes she cries and needs little or lots of attention. Last night she screamed and I thought went back to sleep. It's so hard for me to move, I didn't even roll over. But then she started crying pretty hard and I knew she needed me. By the time I got to her, her feet were on the side of the crib and she was doing some kind of head stand on her pillow. She was stuck. I don't know what she was trying to do? It's kind of funny, but it kind of scared me. She could hurt herself! After that, she wanted to sit with me and she slept in my bed. It was kind of nice to snuggle her, it's been so long since she's slept with me. But, not being used to sleeping with her and having such a hard time being comfortable anyway, I didn't get much sleep last night.

4 comments:

  1. I feel like you are trying to push a marble up a glass hill with your nose. Things have to get better. You need angels to attend you.
    I'm very happy that we got to see you today.
    I pray every night that you will your rest. Ask people to help you.... they need something to do.. : ) And you might just as well have a broken leg. I mean, if you did, you would ask for help, wouldn't you???
    It's really late. I don't want to go to bed...same old, same old....but I can't seem to stay awake either. love ......mumsy

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  2. so glad to hear what's going on. so happy Jeff has a job!! so proud of you for all the good you're doing. so sorry about the pain. love you!

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  3. i could write a book of comments for you but will try to keep it really short. i'm sorry, i understand and i know it's hard on all counts, jeff, rayne, pregnancy. jenny had to be induced as you remember and what i remember is you think ok, now were having the baby. but it took forever and is a long process either way. if you need to talk pls call me. hang in there. you're almost there! think about you every day.

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  4. Hang in there... from personal experience if you don't have to induce, don't... but fatique and comfort need to be dealt with too... I wish I could help any... I haven't seen you in forever. Let me know if I can do anything. Please tough guy? Miss u!

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