Rules to live by

I read this article last night about how to be a mean mom. I liked it because not only did it tell me to toughen up and take care of the kids but what rules are the most important to set down (ie. HOW to be mean). For some reason, I needed someone to tell me this.
As I've thought about it today, I've thought of some rules I need to set down to be a "mean" mom. Saying it that way also helps me realize I'm not really mean, just doing my job and that I need to stick with it no matter how much they push me and complain about it.

So...

How to be a mean mom:

* Kids go to bed at 8 o'clock! All t.v.s must be turned off, even for Daddy. No games, iPods etc will be allowed in bed.

* Meals and snacks are served at certain times at the table. I do NOT make special meals for people if they don't like it or just want something else. They can try what they are given if for no
other reason than to be polite!

* Rayne is in school from 10:00 to 4:00. If we finish earlier, fine, but that is our school time. NO tv or games allowed (perhaps games during "recess" because they are highly motivational right now). She will spend 30 minutes (work up to longer?) on school work and then have a 10 minute break.

* My children do not scream at me, each other, or other people. They do not hit, kick, scratch, etc.

Middle age thoughts

Something the kids were talking about the other day made me realize I most likely have at least as many years in my life as I've already lived. I've lived a whole life in that time! So what makes us all think it's middle age and going over the hill etc? If the best parts of my life have already happened, that's a long time to... do what? Sit around getting gray and achy?

The funny thing is, I've realized since my last birthday that I'm not even forty! While for the last year, I've been thinking, I'm almost 40! When I started the job I had when I got married, I met a few people that were in their early forties and thought they were pretty cool. They seemed mature but still young, smart and settled into their lives. That's what I wanted when I hit forty. So what's happened in the last few years to make me feel so old and worn out? Why am I suddenly afraid of my age? I've never worried about it before? And most importantly, what am I going to do with the other half of my life? I'm sure there are even better things still coming!

I want to be mature and confident and calm in my being. I want to be beautiful, not in a sexy model way but in an I'm a woman now way. I want to embrace education, past and future as well as my children's. I want to remember all the things I was going to do in life and DO them! I want to learn to roller blade and paint pictures and do more math. I want to continue to create my home and nurture my children. I want to remember what it was like to dream!

Today's school notes

She likes to get it done and do it quickly.
She likes to do it herself.
She likes being in charge.

Focus on DOing.
Let her make choices or be in charge
Give her the job to get it done instead of listening to me tell her a lesson.

Let her hurry but I  can stay calm and relaxed about it. Hahahahaha

School, a work in progress

So I spent the weekend re-thinking school for Rayne. It helped a lot to talk to Melanie who has done the online school as well as teach kindergarten in traditional school. Sunday night I moved some things around to set up more of a classroom atmosphere in the kitchen rather than a corner around the computer. I read through all of the weeks' lessons and wrote down the basic things we would be covering. We've done a few weeks now and I can see the basic structure of the lessons so I took control of them.
I felt like things went a lot better yesterday. We got through each subject without really realizing that we were doing it. It felt more like school should be as far as a teacher and activities etc. Instead of sitting at or near the computer and going down the list, I planned some activities to cover the lessons in a more active way. For example, instead of throwing in practice writing letters at some point during the lesson, I decided each day would start with a letter wall, a paper taped to the wall where she can write standing up and without lines. I showed her how the letters should be written but then I also had her listen to a word to figure out which letter it was. Instead of reading the book as part of the lesson, after lunch I met my students on the couch for story time. We read the school book as well as a couple that they chose.

Today everyone was tired and not feeling well this morning. I decided to run out to the store and start school later in the day. I even told Rayne (probably shouldn't have) that we'd just do what had to be done and skip what we could until tomorrow. So, we went rather quickly through the lessons, mostly just covering the basics, and yet I felt like she was on task much better than usual or even yesterday. When I asked if she felt better about school today she said yes because it was short.

So my new thought this week is maybe she needs to just be shown what needs to be done, let her do it, and get it done for the day. Then perhaps I can supplement throughout the rest of the day and make sure all the concepts are covered.

Hm...

Kindergarten

This fall, Rayne and I, which affects Daddy and Caius too, took on the challenge of doing online school at home. From what I understand, doing school at home online is different than "homeschooling." We are registered with a public school, she has a teacher, curriculum and assignments, books and supplies etc. I am called the learning coach. My job is to help her through the assignments. We meet each day with her teacher and classmates online for lessons and activities which will soon include a reading group.

So far, I have felt that this was the right decision to make for Rayne. We went to a kindergarten testing last spring at the school here in town and it resulted in a panic attack. I had hoped that meeting the teacher and seeing the classroom would help Rayne get excited about attending a "brick and mortar" school. But no. I wasn't very impressed by the teacher's reaction either. It wasn't a bad judgement, just a thought that if there are 20 or 30 students all needing attention, I couldn't send my sweet sensitive girl to try to deal with it all. And I couldn't imagine doing that to the teacher.

Rayne's anxiety expresses itself as aggression, yelling, and a fight response (as in fight or flight). I see fear in my girl and she will fight to defend herself, even if the only attack is happening in her head.
Even doing school at home has been a challenge. Pretty much everyday I am yelled at because she hates it and doesn't want to do it. I can usually get her attention with a fun activity and she even ends school time, sometimes, by saying that she loves it. But it is often a long hard day. It takes a lot of my energy and time. Caius feels left out a lot of the time and he is. This is hard on me too. I suppose somehow I had hoped that I would finally have some alone time with him and Rayne would adjust and excel and love going to a traditional school.

I have been reading about a few mental health issues that people have suggested I look into. These and even the anxiety label have felt inadequate lately. Like I can see the behaviors but my gut is saying it's not quite the problem. One thing I have read though, I really want to talk to someone about but I feel like I can't. Even here, I'm concerned what people will think.

I think I have a bright child.

I know. Every parent thinks their child is brilliant and we think all children are gifted in their own way. I try to be cautious of thinking my kids are so smart because I think it puts a great deal of expectation on them. I want them to know it's okay to make mistakes and not be perfect and not always know the right answer. And I do agree that all children have their own gifts and they all develop and learn so differently in their own way and at their own pace.

But that's not what I've been reading about.

From what I understand, being bright or gifted doesn't mean always knowing stuff. It doesn't mean having special aptitude for a particular subject or talent, although that can be. I'm reading that some kids just mentally process things differently. THAT is what I think I'm dealing with. I'm not bragging that I have a smart kid or that she's special and someone else's isn't. I'm just saying her brain works differently.

She processes a lot of information and is sensitive to a lot around her that might just go past a more "normal" child. She does have a good memory, a vivid imagination, big vocabulary and is very into solving problems. She gets frustrated easily and is quite perfectionist, giving up when she can't get it just right. These are all signs of a different mind.

So, WHAT DO I DO???!!? Schooling at home gives us the opportunity to adjust for her. It allows me the opportunity to be involved and work with her special needs. But honestly I am overwhelmed. Perhaps I stick too closely to the rules. I focus too much on finishing the assignments given on the computer in the order and way they are presented when really I could...

Make it fun. Mix things up. Present it my way FOR her. Instead of writing on the paper, color on the walls (not really, but trying to get ideas going :) Start at the end and see what steps it takes to get there. Get her to teach me.
And darnit, I need more of a classroom space rather than a corner! Perhaps I need to re-do my whole housing arrangement!

Anyone out there have experience with any of this? School at home or homeschooling? Special needs ? Bright children?

Summer in One Post

Oh how I miss blogging. It has been so long. We've had birthdays and summer and now we have started school. So much to catch up on.

 We had a double birthday party at a park near Boppy's house for the kids' birthday with family. I think these parks are being called splash pads? The kids love being in the water.
On their actual birthdays, we had presents and cake at home. On Caius' day we went to Toys 'R' Us for the first time and each of them got to pick out a present. On Rayne's day we just went to Walmart and they each got something again.

 I can't believe my baby girl is 5. I remember everything about her being born quite vividly. She's such a spunky monkey that I sometimes want to just kick her little tushy. She really keeps me going. But all the time, I look at her with such awe. She is so incredibly beautiful and moves so gracefully and with such strength. She has an amazing mind and is quick to solve problems, even if it's just using her imagination. It seems like she has a solution for everything.

 And my beautiful, beautiful boy. He is so incredibly sweet and cuddly. I feel like he's always been who he is but then I think about him being a baby and can't believe how much he's grown. I love his smile. The way he talks, his voice and the way he uses words. He is silly and likes to cheer people up, especially his sister. Three years old! Just let me hold you a little longer.

I honestly look at my kids and think that, objectively, they are so beautiful and so smart. I wonder if all moms think that of their children because I'm just sure it's true of mine. Sometimes I think I could just explode I feel so much love for them.

This is a picture of the minion cake I made for Caius' birthday. I had seen some on Pinterest but am proud to take full credit for figuring this out on my own. I think he turned out pretty cute. For Rayne, I drew a cheetah on a rectangle cake. It didn't turn out as cool as I wanted it to but I was still pretty proud.

This last summer, we took on a babysitting job. Our neighbors have three boys ages 12, 10 and 6. They have been wonderful friends to my kids and the mom was my visiting teaching partner. I started picking the younger two up from school on their early day as a favor but that turned into doing it every week for a bit of money. Then we took care of them over spring break and that worked out so well, I asked what she was doing with the boys for the summer or if she knew anyone that needed a sitter.
By summer they had moved so it was a little drive to their house but it was kind of fun. The kids would play and we would mostly go to lunch at an elementary school with a free lunch program. That was hard on my little Rayne but I think it was a good experience that they might remember fondly one day.
The job ended earlier than expected when the grandma decided she wanted to have the boys to help her with some projects around the house. I was ready for it to be over. Honestly five kids arguing and whining for more than a few hours a day was taking it's toll on me and my kids. The money would have been nice though and my kids have missed "their boys."

I am very excited that this summer my little brother and his family have moved back to Utah. They've lived out of state so long we barely know his three boys. We have been trying to all meet up at our mom's house on Saturdays and the last time we were there the kids finally seemed to be getting comfortable and Rayne LOVED playing outside with the boys and their swords and fighting the bad guy grown ups.

I've also tried to get my kids into the pool at Boppy's each Saturday. This was a needed activity and my kids are taking quite well to the water becoming quite independent and sometimes a bit too brave! When we were babysitting I really enjoyed this time to just play with my kids and have some time with them.


And now we are into September. Rayne has started kindergarten which we are doing at home online. For the most part it's good but it seems everyday starts with her screaming at me that she hates it and quits. If I can get something fun pulled up on the computer to start her lessons, I can suck her into it. Then her teacher does a "live lesson" each day except Thursday. This allows her to see her teacher on the computer and go through some songs and activities with a class. She can't see the other students but we sure can hear them. I feel like a lot of the time is spent with people trying to get microphones working and muted etc. It is quite frustrating and I don't blame her for hating it. But there are some good parts of it too I'm trying to get her to participate more with. It's a challenge!
It makes me think we did the right thing choosing to keep her home. I can't imagine what would happen if she was in the classroom with the teacher giving directions and kids making noise! I'm pretty sure she'd "go postal" and start hitting anything and anyone she could! And yet today I wondered if we didn't just get her through a few days or even weeks of it, if she wouldn't be better off? Doing it at home where she can take it all out on me may not be the best for either of us. We will see.

I am trying to draw the line and be even more firm with some of her behaviors. It's hard for me to not see the emotion behind it and try to reassure her that it/she's okay. I just feel that it's to the point that I have to stop her from things like hitting and screaming at people no matter what is going on inside her poor little self.

And that is us. I'd really like to blog more but I won't even say that because it hasn't been happening.

So it wasn't my final answer

I again need to discuss food. I have relaxed quite a bit since my last post about it. I've been eating and feeling much better (aside from a weekend and a few days of my blood sugar going up and down like crazy for no reason I could figure out). But my kids and hubby? Sometimes I'm just appalled at what we live on!
So today my question is, what do I do about them? Does anyone out there really make dinner, put it on the table and they can take it or leave it and you don't worry about the kid starving to death? What about the total melt down and physical outbursts that totally seem to go better when she's eaten something- even if it is waffles and syrup or sugary cereal?
So many times I have written plans and lists and menus and, to give myself credit, I don't do too badly. But there is always an exception. There is always a down side. Very often I end up making two or even three dinners. It's driving me crazy! I've even resolved to fine, I only have two kids and I don't care if I have to make one of them something special that she will eat. Honestly, I try to plan around what the hubby wants and likes. I'm getting bold and a time or two a week, I make what I want whether he likes it or not. But, I decided, or tried to plan, that maybe I'm the exception. I'll make something for my boys as "what's for dinner" and then I'll make my healthy something and as long as I'm doing that, I might as well make something for the girl to eat. Ugh! I really am ridiculous aren't I?

I was talking to my mom the other day about something else and we came to the conclusion that I am the queen of the castle and I have to set the way things go. It would actually be better for my kids, I think, if I would step up and set some rules and boundaries. I think this is true of food too.
But how in the heck do I do it!?!? Somehow, I have to just set the expectation and stick with it.

What we (should) eat:

Breakfast: I like the idea of a breakfast bar. Some cereal and/or bread items. Fruit. Milk. Sometimes eggs. Then they can kind of pick and choose.

Lunch: What is wrong with sandwiches??? I like the idea of a sandwich (for me that can be a lot of veggies or even a salad with a salad bar type set up for the kids- again so they can choose!) and some fruit.

Afternoon snack: Fruit, nuts/nut butter/yogurt/cheese, maybe some crackers

Dinner: I am buying into the idea of meat and vegetables. We can switch things up with some spaghetti or tacos (things we eat often).

Bedtime snack: I do feel the kids need it and sometimes by the time I'm going to bed and we've had an early dinner, I do too. But something simple. Bread and butter? Chocolate milk, cereal... I like the idea of a healthy cookie. Nobody eats them but me. And what I've made isn't that healthy, I just think if it has peanut butter or oatmeal in it and I made it rather than opened a package, it's healthy enough.