Middle age thoughts

Something the kids were talking about the other day made me realize I most likely have at least as many years in my life as I've already lived. I've lived a whole life in that time! So what makes us all think it's middle age and going over the hill etc? If the best parts of my life have already happened, that's a long time to... do what? Sit around getting gray and achy?

The funny thing is, I've realized since my last birthday that I'm not even forty! While for the last year, I've been thinking, I'm almost 40! When I started the job I had when I got married, I met a few people that were in their early forties and thought they were pretty cool. They seemed mature but still young, smart and settled into their lives. That's what I wanted when I hit forty. So what's happened in the last few years to make me feel so old and worn out? Why am I suddenly afraid of my age? I've never worried about it before? And most importantly, what am I going to do with the other half of my life? I'm sure there are even better things still coming!

I want to be mature and confident and calm in my being. I want to be beautiful, not in a sexy model way but in an I'm a woman now way. I want to embrace education, past and future as well as my children's. I want to remember all the things I was going to do in life and DO them! I want to learn to roller blade and paint pictures and do more math. I want to continue to create my home and nurture my children. I want to remember what it was like to dream!