Kindergarten

This fall, Rayne and I, which affects Daddy and Caius too, took on the challenge of doing online school at home. From what I understand, doing school at home online is different than "homeschooling." We are registered with a public school, she has a teacher, curriculum and assignments, books and supplies etc. I am called the learning coach. My job is to help her through the assignments. We meet each day with her teacher and classmates online for lessons and activities which will soon include a reading group.

So far, I have felt that this was the right decision to make for Rayne. We went to a kindergarten testing last spring at the school here in town and it resulted in a panic attack. I had hoped that meeting the teacher and seeing the classroom would help Rayne get excited about attending a "brick and mortar" school. But no. I wasn't very impressed by the teacher's reaction either. It wasn't a bad judgement, just a thought that if there are 20 or 30 students all needing attention, I couldn't send my sweet sensitive girl to try to deal with it all. And I couldn't imagine doing that to the teacher.

Rayne's anxiety expresses itself as aggression, yelling, and a fight response (as in fight or flight). I see fear in my girl and she will fight to defend herself, even if the only attack is happening in her head.
Even doing school at home has been a challenge. Pretty much everyday I am yelled at because she hates it and doesn't want to do it. I can usually get her attention with a fun activity and she even ends school time, sometimes, by saying that she loves it. But it is often a long hard day. It takes a lot of my energy and time. Caius feels left out a lot of the time and he is. This is hard on me too. I suppose somehow I had hoped that I would finally have some alone time with him and Rayne would adjust and excel and love going to a traditional school.

I have been reading about a few mental health issues that people have suggested I look into. These and even the anxiety label have felt inadequate lately. Like I can see the behaviors but my gut is saying it's not quite the problem. One thing I have read though, I really want to talk to someone about but I feel like I can't. Even here, I'm concerned what people will think.

I think I have a bright child.

I know. Every parent thinks their child is brilliant and we think all children are gifted in their own way. I try to be cautious of thinking my kids are so smart because I think it puts a great deal of expectation on them. I want them to know it's okay to make mistakes and not be perfect and not always know the right answer. And I do agree that all children have their own gifts and they all develop and learn so differently in their own way and at their own pace.

But that's not what I've been reading about.

From what I understand, being bright or gifted doesn't mean always knowing stuff. It doesn't mean having special aptitude for a particular subject or talent, although that can be. I'm reading that some kids just mentally process things differently. THAT is what I think I'm dealing with. I'm not bragging that I have a smart kid or that she's special and someone else's isn't. I'm just saying her brain works differently.

She processes a lot of information and is sensitive to a lot around her that might just go past a more "normal" child. She does have a good memory, a vivid imagination, big vocabulary and is very into solving problems. She gets frustrated easily and is quite perfectionist, giving up when she can't get it just right. These are all signs of a different mind.

So, WHAT DO I DO???!!? Schooling at home gives us the opportunity to adjust for her. It allows me the opportunity to be involved and work with her special needs. But honestly I am overwhelmed. Perhaps I stick too closely to the rules. I focus too much on finishing the assignments given on the computer in the order and way they are presented when really I could...

Make it fun. Mix things up. Present it my way FOR her. Instead of writing on the paper, color on the walls (not really, but trying to get ideas going :) Start at the end and see what steps it takes to get there. Get her to teach me.
And darnit, I need more of a classroom space rather than a corner! Perhaps I need to re-do my whole housing arrangement!

Anyone out there have experience with any of this? School at home or homeschooling? Special needs ? Bright children?