Baby your babies

I had a conversation yesterday that makes me wonder if I baby my babies too much.
Okay, I'm pretty sure I probably do, but is that really such a bad thing?
I know I'm too soft on them. Not that I at all think you should be hard, but it would be nice if they treated me with some respect or acknowledged that when mom says something they should at least consider it.
The conversation yesterday started with me telling my mother in law that Caius is extremely picky lately about the pants he wears. In fact, both kids, if I pick out clothes for them, won't wear what I pick so I've quit trying and just tell them to do it themselves. That's not bad right? Teaching independence?
 Her suggestion was to give them two choices. After all, who's the boss? I think it bothers her that we let our kids "control" so much of what goes on here and perhaps she is right. But...
Lately Caius goes into his drawer and usually has a particular pair of pants he's looking for. If it isn't there, nothing else will do. As frustrating as it can be when I just need him to get dressed, I actually think it's kind of cute that he knows what he wants and I'm sure there is a reason behind it. He also has worn the same shirt pretty much exclusively for the last week or more. And Rayne! Oh my. She will NOT let me comb her hair. She has allowed Daddy to do it at night but by morning it really needs to be done again. Sometimes I persuade her or I just do it anyway, but for the most part, I let her get away with it. Why? Because it really isn't that important to me that my kids' clothes match or their hair is nice and neat and styled. Sure, I don't like it much when they look like uncared for ragamuffins. But really, there are things I find more important.
So the question isn't really about letting them dress themselves but if letting them get away with not combing their hair is giving them too much power or something? Does this carry over into not being able to get them to do the important stuff?
As far as babying them, I also question if I do too much for them. I had thought that one of my new year resolutions would be to not do anything for them that they are capable of doing themselves. I know they are still little, but really? Suddenly my girl is almost five and I'm still putting on her shoes and socks, not because she can't but because she won't. Not to mention other things. When does it just get ridiculous and you have to put a stop to such things?
I guess I know I should be in charge more. Sometimes it drives me crazy. Why don't I have more authority and what damage am I doing by not? But sometimes when I stop and think about things and how I want to be as a mother, I understand why I do things the way I do.
Fittingly, I wanted to type as I thought so as to get some thoughts going as to what I DO think I should be doing as a mother. But I've been so interrupted, this is all I've managed to say.
To be continued... or something like that!