Micro-managing Mama

It's funny where ideas come from. I've been watching a show about kids at an Australian dance academy. One kid is working on choreography and when the dancer just can't get it right, he gets quite frustrated. His mentor takes him aside to remind him that the dancer is also an artist and needs to be able to put her own expression into it as well. He needs to stop micromanaging. It made me think of being a mom. It is my job to feed them, bathe them, dress them, put them to bed, teach them stuff, make sure they behave... I feel a lot of responsibility to get it right. But there is a limit to it. They are little people and who they are, their "artistic expression" is going to come out. I can't, and don't even want to, control it all. My kids are still small and I like putting them to bed, but I often get SO frustrated at the time and effort it takes. Sometimes I worry that I'm doing it wrong (ie setting up bad habits) and should leave them alone a bit more. Other times, I just want to hold my babies and rock them to sleep. But, no matter how much I sing, rock them, rub their backs, even nursing the baby, I can't MAKE them fall asleep until they are ready. I need to let go of the frustration. Rayne often likes me to spoon feed her, especially if it's something messy. Caius on the other hand wants to do it all himself. Sometimes I feel like I follow Rayne around the house trying to get her to just take one bite of something (I don't literally follow her around the house, it just feels like it). And I can't shovel the dropped noodles off of Caius fast enough and he ends up sitting in handfuls of pasta and I just hope something ended up in his mouth. Again, I need to let go of the frustration. I can't MAKE them eat and making a mess is just part of the process. Last night Jeff said he'd never thought of himself as an easy going, go with the flow type person. Until he met me. Being with someone so scheduled and high strung has made him realize how laid back he is. In some ways we are good for each other that way. I always knew I was more uptight- I love lists, charts, rules, schedules, routines. But I didn't want to be so stressed out as a mom. While I think the routine and trying to be organized and tidy are all good for the kids, the stressed out frustrated mom isn't. I really do try to control it all. I don't want to be like that. As I've just let this thought be in my head the last couple days, it's helped. Messes, chaos, not getting things done all drive me crazy. Not that I ever get things perfectly the way I think they should be anyway. But it's helped to let go a bit. To realize, or remind myself, that these are children and their artistic expression needs to be allowed for as well... even if it means it takes forever to get them to sleep, I sweep the floor a thousand times a day to no avail, and in all the mess and bargaining and pleading and sometimes even yelling and crying, hair never gets combed, shoes are on the wrong feet, and I don't know if they ever actually eat anything.