I often tell Rayne she's the "cutest girl in the world." It started because of a song I heard. I don't think I've ever even heard the whole song. I just heard that line in a movie. I started singing it to her and she quickly learned the follow up "uh-hu." It was really cute!
I also tell Rayne she's the cutest girl in the world because I honestly believe she is. Not only is she just beautiful, her features, her white blonde hair, her big blue eyes... but she just shines. Her personality. Her presence. I suppose as a mother, but also as a girl, I just want her to somehow know that she is just perfect the way she is. Someday when she's 12 or 16 she needs to know her cuteness comes not from clothes, make-up, or hair. It's just who she is that she needs to believe in. She is absolutely perfect.
Rayne is also super smart. I don't really know if she's any smarter than any other two year old, but that doesn't even matter. She amazes me everyday with her thinking, her figuring, her observing. One day it just kind of dawned on me that I never tell her she's the smartest girl in the world, just that she is smart. I think I realized this because I went to say it and it didn't really make sense. More importantly, it didn't even matter. I know there will always be smarter people but that in no way detracts from her mind and her smartness.
I guess it made me wonder. Even given the reasoning I'm trying to express above about just trying to emphasize how cute and beautiful she is, is it really just being superficial? And perhaps I'm comfortable with the brains (thinking more of myself than her) because people always told me I was smart, even when I didn't think I was. I was able to do something with that and develop that and accomplish something. As for being cute? People always told me I was cute, until I was about 12 and probably needed to hear it the most. I suppose it becomes awkward to tell a kid that age that they are "the cutest girl in the world" but maybe because I didn't feel it and people stopped saying it, I thought I wasn't. And even though the whole self esteem thing is also something I had to work on and develop, feeling like you look good, while I do believe it's important, isn't as much of an accomplishment as we'd like to think.
I don't know... just some thoughts that felt interesting but probably aren't.... :)
Yes, Rayne is the cutest girl in the world, and the smartest. And she needs to hear that. Obviously, from your last comments, you know she will always need that.
ReplyDeleteSo, it's very hard for me to believe we just stopped telling you how wonderful you are when you were about 12 years old. Maybe you were just distracted and didn't hear us? It will take a while to get over this one. Right now, I am remembering combing your hair and that it had all these shades of blonde and brown in it. It looked like beautiful wood to me. And those grey eyes......you were wearing black one day and your eyes were the most amazing shade of gray. It still makes me awestruck. Also, I believe it is a general consensus of everyone that you are so beautiful and sweet and loving. You really are the MOST beautiful and wonderful girl in the world.
I hope you copy this and keep it for Rayne so she can see it some day when she needs to know. I wish I had one for you. I wish you had just one bit of an idea how truly wonderful you are. Just look at Rayne. You will see yourself in her.
Compliment her for her efforts, too. Specifically, I mean. I've read some stuff recently about how children who are constantly praised for their brilliance actually lack confidence and are more reluctant to try new things and risk looking dumb. Children who are commended for making efforts, and more specific efforts, are braver and tend to fare better. So, as brilliant as Rayne is, make sure she knows she can try and fail.
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