Definite Thought for Mom Philosophy

Someone I love quite dearly posted this on Facebook today:

In some ways it was validating for me:

     When I say I have a difficult child and often feel that people think I should just smack her and make her behave, I am NOT just being sensitive. Some of my close relations probably do feel this way.

      The gut wrenching, sick to my stomach feeling I had reading this and having someone actually "say it out loud" has given me the chance to say definitively, if only to myself, that I do NOT agree with this. Sadly and with a broken heart, I admit to spatting my kids' sweet little diapered bottoms in a middle of a tantrum when I'm exhausted, don't know what to do and am trying to gain control and get their attention. I have even swatted Rayne on the head when she's clobbered her brother because I am very upset at her behavior. I hate myself in these situations and do NOT believe that is how they should be handled. But I have never hurt my children physically and I have never used that threat (ie fear of punishment) to control behavior. I think that is wrong. 

I recently started reading a new book called "Connected Parenting" by Jennifer Kolari. So far it speaks volumes to my philosophies for parenting and promises to help me use this to help my children. Silly me, I often skip to the back page of a book after reading a chapter and read the last paragraph or two. This is what is says: 

         "As part of their bedtime routine, I started to sing them lullabies and tell them stories. They loved listening, and their tough exterior melted away as I sang and told them stories about faraway places... They started to listen instead of always ignoring or arguing with me. The other staff members decided it was because I was too soft and I was letting them get away with things, but it wasn't. The difference was that I had established a relationship with them, and they wanted to listen to me because I cared about them. Those kids taught me how critical it is to show compassion and how essential it is to help children be their best..."

          "In the end, when they're adults and out of the house, I believe that what we want them to remember is how special they were to us and how deeply loved they felt. This is a gift that will last them a lifetime and one that they will then pass on to their own children."