Ketchup

If you haven't heard, we're pregnant. 15 weeks now. I am huge. Seriously bulging already. I am sick. Not as sick as I was with Rayne, but it's been very hard. It's different this time. The first time, I wanted to tell everyone personally, I counted every week, every trip to the doctor was fun and exciting. This time, I suppose I'm too busy with the first to think much more than about just not throwing up. It's kind of sad and yet, I have these moments where I glimpse the future and I'm so excited and so happy that it really feels good.

Jeff started a new job this week. He's excited and so far liking it. It is stuff he wants to be doing. I'm so glad for him. It's been really hard on me and Rayne having him gone all day and getting up so early with him, but I also feel good. I'm starting to feel hope again. His step dad, who we live with and helps us a lot, made us promise that we'll focus on getting an apartment. An apartment of our own again!!! The thought makes me cry. It's been so long.

It really has been a long hard stretch, these last two years. Sometimes I'm surprised we've survived it as well as we have. But sometimes I just think that it's been necessary and now we will somehow be better off. Quitting my job and being home with my baby was the best step I could have taken. Jeff now feels it's important for me to be home with the kids! I'm SO glad he's been able to see and experience that. Our finances are improving. Thank goodness for that! And hopefully we learned something from that as well and will do better in the future. Hopefully :)

And now I'm a mom. It's the greatest thing ever. I still have at least a moment everyday when I look at my daughter (MY DAUGHTER!) and feel like I will explode I love her so much. I went to the doctor today for the new baby. I have a great doctor. He's done ultrasounds both times I've been there. Today just because he couldn't get the angle for the heartbeat. When I see the picture of a real baby growing inside of me, I get this feeling of peace and joy and fulfillment. I feel very excited today about my little family. (P.S. and then I looked at Benny's blog and saw his pictures and that makes me VERY happy too.)