Arriving at now

I've been spending a lot of time on Pinterest lately. In part, it's because I need new clothes and don't have money right now, so I'm pretend shopping. I suppose it's also because I'm trying to define myself, redefine. Who am I and how do I show that?
Today I had the thought that I can be whatever I want to be right now. I've never been this age. I've never been a mother. I've never been a wife or a stay at home mom. Even my body has never been this size and shape. I feel like the same person I was when I was 10 or 12, 15, 20, 30... But in a lot of ways, I'm very different.
There have been times in my life when it's almost like I've looked at my past, recent or distant, trying to bring that person into where I was currently. Clothes, hair, hobbies, goals, I'd try to find my current version of what I'd once had. Trying to bring an idealized past version of me into who and what I was currently doing. Or perhaps trying to create a continuation from one step in life to the next. But that has changed.
On the one hand, there is no way to connect my past life with where I am now. It's SO different and this is all so new. But at the same time, I am such a culmination of everything I've ever been, anything I've ever done that I don't have to try to bring that with me, it's just there as it's own piece of my puzzle.
I keep looking at Pinterest, not just at clothes and hair, but food and crafts and places and quotes, trying to figure out who I am right now. I really don't know. And yet, for once, it almost feels okay to not know, not define, because I do know I'm here, I know that I am. And all that stuff is just trying to paint a picture of what I hold on the inside.