Saturday, April 30, 2011
To Ben
I feel bad you didn't get pictures sooner. If it makes you feel any better, I'm the mom and have been a little busy. It seems like everyone took pictures and is posting things on Facebook, but no one is sending me any pictures!
Anyway, this is a video I keep debating putting on here. For one, it looks like my nightgown thing is falling off. For two, you can't see the baby very well. And, the sound isn't very good. But, it does show Rayne seeing Caius for the first time, which was the point. So, if this works, this is to share with you! I miss you guys tons! Thanks for caring :)
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Cutest Girl in the World
I often tell Rayne she's the "cutest girl in the world." It started because of a song I heard. I don't think I've ever even heard the whole song. I just heard that line in a movie. I started singing it to her and she quickly learned the follow up "uh-hu." It was really cute!
I also tell Rayne she's the cutest girl in the world because I honestly believe she is. Not only is she just beautiful, her features, her white blonde hair, her big blue eyes... but she just shines. Her personality. Her presence. I suppose as a mother, but also as a girl, I just want her to somehow know that she is just perfect the way she is. Someday when she's 12 or 16 she needs to know her cuteness comes not from clothes, make-up, or hair. It's just who she is that she needs to believe in. She is absolutely perfect.
Rayne is also super smart. I don't really know if she's any smarter than any other two year old, but that doesn't even matter. She amazes me everyday with her thinking, her figuring, her observing. One day it just kind of dawned on me that I never tell her she's the smartest girl in the world, just that she is smart. I think I realized this because I went to say it and it didn't really make sense. More importantly, it didn't even matter. I know there will always be smarter people but that in no way detracts from her mind and her smartness.
I guess it made me wonder. Even given the reasoning I'm trying to express above about just trying to emphasize how cute and beautiful she is, is it really just being superficial? And perhaps I'm comfortable with the brains (thinking more of myself than her) because people always told me I was smart, even when I didn't think I was. I was able to do something with that and develop that and accomplish something. As for being cute? People always told me I was cute, until I was about 12 and probably needed to hear it the most. I suppose it becomes awkward to tell a kid that age that they are "the cutest girl in the world" but maybe because I didn't feel it and people stopped saying it, I thought I wasn't. And even though the whole self esteem thing is also something I had to work on and develop, feeling like you look good, while I do believe it's important, isn't as much of an accomplishment as we'd like to think.
I don't know... just some thoughts that felt interesting but probably aren't.... :)
I also tell Rayne she's the cutest girl in the world because I honestly believe she is. Not only is she just beautiful, her features, her white blonde hair, her big blue eyes... but she just shines. Her personality. Her presence. I suppose as a mother, but also as a girl, I just want her to somehow know that she is just perfect the way she is. Someday when she's 12 or 16 she needs to know her cuteness comes not from clothes, make-up, or hair. It's just who she is that she needs to believe in. She is absolutely perfect.
Rayne is also super smart. I don't really know if she's any smarter than any other two year old, but that doesn't even matter. She amazes me everyday with her thinking, her figuring, her observing. One day it just kind of dawned on me that I never tell her she's the smartest girl in the world, just that she is smart. I think I realized this because I went to say it and it didn't really make sense. More importantly, it didn't even matter. I know there will always be smarter people but that in no way detracts from her mind and her smartness.
I guess it made me wonder. Even given the reasoning I'm trying to express above about just trying to emphasize how cute and beautiful she is, is it really just being superficial? And perhaps I'm comfortable with the brains (thinking more of myself than her) because people always told me I was smart, even when I didn't think I was. I was able to do something with that and develop that and accomplish something. As for being cute? People always told me I was cute, until I was about 12 and probably needed to hear it the most. I suppose it becomes awkward to tell a kid that age that they are "the cutest girl in the world" but maybe because I didn't feel it and people stopped saying it, I thought I wasn't. And even though the whole self esteem thing is also something I had to work on and develop, feeling like you look good, while I do believe it's important, isn't as much of an accomplishment as we'd like to think.
I don't know... just some thoughts that felt interesting but probably aren't.... :)
My Girl
Jeff's mom took these pictures. I think Rayne looks so beautiful! I feel like you can see the little girl she's growing into.
And look! She's smiling! I don't know why we have such a hard time getting that on camera.
I think she gets her good looks from her mother.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Less than two weeks 'til due day
We don't get the best radio reception where we live. But, there is a little radio in the kitchen here that I'll turn on if I'm home alone (meaning Jeff's in bed and it's just me and Rayne) and I'm trying to clean up. A while back, I found one station that I used to think was for "old people" (not that I didn't like it). I was surprised at all the good stuff they were playing. Saturday, I had the radio on that station again. There were some songs I haven't heard in a long time and used to love. I thought they should at least give me a pleasant nostalgic feeling but instead I found them quite silly. Not fun silly. Annoying silly. And the songs I never did like? They were infuriating! I couldn't believe that anyone would MAKE such songs, let alone that someone would think they were good enough to put on the radio! And the really frustrating thing? I'm sure there are people who like them! I was seriously getting annoyed.
I am very pregnant. My feet have again swollen to hobbit-like proportions and are very sympathetic to hot dogs right before they split open. I hurt to walk. I can't stand up and breathe at the same time. I lose my patience way too easily. Etc, etc, etc. By Sunday night, I was feeling things that made me really wonder if I was starting labor. I kind of hoped so but I also got scared.
I feel kind of guilty that I've complained so much this pregnancy. I am excited for this baby. I am very grateful to be pregnant again. I think I complain as a way of asking for help. Or so that I don't feel so stupid about having a hard time getting anything done.
Anyway... I have felt strangely good today. Not so much physically, although that has been better too- even my feet haven't been so swollen. But emotionally, I've just felt calm and happy. I spent a VERY pleasant day with Rayne. She has been so sweet and calm today too. I've felt happy and excited today. I even did a lot of nothing and didn't feel guilty about it.
Jeff's step dad keeps teasing us that the storm is coming; we're going to have Rayne and Snow (no, we're not naming him snow. He's just being funny). Perhaps today was the calm before the storm. I'm very determined to ride out the hard parts with thanks and happiness. I really love my children!
I am very pregnant. My feet have again swollen to hobbit-like proportions and are very sympathetic to hot dogs right before they split open. I hurt to walk. I can't stand up and breathe at the same time. I lose my patience way too easily. Etc, etc, etc. By Sunday night, I was feeling things that made me really wonder if I was starting labor. I kind of hoped so but I also got scared.
I feel kind of guilty that I've complained so much this pregnancy. I am excited for this baby. I am very grateful to be pregnant again. I think I complain as a way of asking for help. Or so that I don't feel so stupid about having a hard time getting anything done.
Anyway... I have felt strangely good today. Not so much physically, although that has been better too- even my feet haven't been so swollen. But emotionally, I've just felt calm and happy. I spent a VERY pleasant day with Rayne. She has been so sweet and calm today too. I've felt happy and excited today. I even did a lot of nothing and didn't feel guilty about it.
Jeff's step dad keeps teasing us that the storm is coming; we're going to have Rayne and Snow (no, we're not naming him snow. He's just being funny). Perhaps today was the calm before the storm. I'm very determined to ride out the hard parts with thanks and happiness. I really love my children!
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